What is your child trying to communicate?
A Child’s Inherent Desire
I wanna be the best daughter in the whole wide world, and I wanna see them smile all the time. ‘Cause when they’re happy, it feels like sunshine and rainbows inside my heart. I love my mommy and daddy so much, and I wanna be the bestest little girl for them. They make me feel so special and loved, and I wanna make them feel that way too, every single day!
Despite what we sometimes feel or believe, inherently, children are people-pleasing machines. They WANT to make you happy. I know it can feel like the opposite at times, but it’s true! This is a critical piece of information we must carry with us all the time. When our child behaves negatively, we have to remind ourselves that that is NOT their desired behavior either. When we keep this in perspective, we can open our eyes to the fact that they are trying to communicate a need to us.
What Are They Trying to Tell Us?
So if they don’t WANT to behave badly, why do they?? Well, behavior is communication. When our child acts out, they are trying to communicate a need that is not being met. Children are developing their social skills and awareness of self and others. As parents, we have to remember that our job is to teach and guide them along this path. Learning for Justice offers the acronym EATS to illustrate the basic needs children are trying to communicate. E is for escape. This is an avoidance behavior. The child is attempting to avoid a difficult task, situation, demand, or even person. A is for attention. The child is attempting to gain your attention in whatever way they can. T is for Tangible Gains. The child is seeking to obtain something they want. S is for Sensory Needs. The child is trying to communicate that there is a sensory overload happening.
The School Setting
What does this look like in a school setting? If your child is behaving negatively in school, it takes a deep dive into finding out the root cause. Again, your child is trying to communicate a need that is not being addressed. I want to step in here and remind us all that I am NOT saying that the teacher is to blame or the school. Negative behaviors happen. It’s the job of the teachers and parents to determine the cause and address the need. If your child cannot read, you can expect the possibility of negative behaviors in class. Your child is trying to communicate their frustration and sadness! As we work to address that need, we must have grace and compassion towards the child. They truly do want to be that model child you wish for. All they seek is love and acceptance. Let’s make sure they get that first and foremost.
